Category Archives: Thoughts and writing

hustle for life

this is not who you are

this is who your pain has told you to be

my teeth clench in the feeling

the tension begins to sink in

i feel like i’m high

i fight back and lie

back on the sidelines I hold stacks

guns, money, and drugs

it feels good here

warm on the inside


young and fruitful

we lay in the field

do or die

we drop

faster than flies

it’s my birthday

but it all fades away

coming back hope lies within

shape shifting tricks

the birthing begins

sad and lonely

fragmented thoughts

i sit and ponder

reality tocks

a ringing in my ears


no more need for fear

with a jubilation for life

simply put

I am here



a life in pink

if life was a rink, i generally think, it would be in pink. our faces would glow, in the light of the disco. wheels to carry you, as fast or as slow, as you will them to go. dj set filled with hit after hit. no sense of time, we make a separate entrance. together we spin, a glimpse of the infinite. turn after turn, the fun would never end.

The loneliest feeling

What does it mean to be alone? Sitting next to new people, nice people, arrogant people, there are so many kinds out there. With so many people alive why do I feel alone? Why do other people feel alone? I kind of want to go disappear. In my thoughts, beliefs, religion…there is nobody else but me. No one to listen, no one to talk to. Just me. How much can I take? How long? I am alone in myself. How many other people can say the same? Why do I feel like no one understands me? There are only contradictions. Which isn’t bad, it helps me think but after awhile….it’s just tiring.

the mirror

lonely is as lonely does, whispered words lead to drowsy love. laid to sleep, the mind at rest. hearts that beat to timing missed, linger on or fall away. night departs towards dawn’s golden ray, listless men always die. live forever time in space, created solely for blessings placed. coming down, please draw near. whisperer’s love, a reflection in mirror.


We sit and stream, stop the fcc, wait back in 2011, it was the same damn thing, I can’t believe, that we all just believed, it’s all good though, smoke some cbd, please relax and breathe, rest, but never sleep, only dream, reality has made me, and in you I see all beings, wait, this is just a time machine, the place our memories lead, outside, spacetime, inside, inner mind, rest easy, you and I, we are grandly unified.

Here’s to loving you kid.

I miss you. The days have flown and now time seems to have taken control. The sadness tears at my heart and makes my eyes heavy. How long ago was it? It seems like forever but really it was only yesterday. The weeks have turned the physical inside out and now I know. Letting go and running towards something to embrace. Are you cold? I try and stay warm but I see the hours tic by, morning and then afternoon. Fuck I was supposed to do tons of different things. Self improvement and, basically, that’s it. What has really changed, I guess I did the same things before and now you’re gone but I’m alone. I’m happy for you. I see the stars in your smile and I hear the healing in your words. I still cry though, why couldn’t it be? Why didn’t we make it so? It’s a bittersweet feeling, I’m trying to hide. Watching you fly is now making me cry. It’s beautiful, just like your smile. If I could I would’ve kept trying, everyday I beheld your beauty. You were in my heart from the very beginning and you always will be. It just had to be this way, something had to change or else it never would have and I’d rather change than stay the same. So here’s to loving you kid.

An Era of Opportunity

I don’t think people understand the events that are unfolding right in front of them. Maybe it isn’t everyone, but at the least most of them are finding it easy to get caught up in the drama of what they are seeing, the feelings of it. All are acting and reacting off of that feeling. It’s interesting because at times I find that I am also one of those people. The only thing keeping my head above water is that I am constantly striving to understand myself and the world around me.  This is what has kept me alive, the experience and insight this way of thinking has brought me keeps pushing me further, to connect more and more dots.

As a community, a society, and country we have an opportunity before us right now. The mere appointment of our new President has thrown our country into disarray. I won’t get into the politics of it because that is where feelings lie but it is central to the opportunity I see approaching. Things are being shaken up in our country and the impact is more than likely global in affect. Now just what is the opportunity I see? The opportunity to change, plain and simple. This doesn’t sound that revolutionary, doesn’t seem like a complex or hard thing. Its something we do everyday of our lives. We change our clothes, change our hair, our cars, our careers, our city, our significant others. We are constantly in motion between one change and another. Change is revolutionary; in the form of wars, droughts, hurricanes, technology, lifestyles, thoughts, and patterns. Maybe change isn’t so simple. Psychology teaches that there are many factors to each and everyone of us. Our DNA affects our genetic expression. Which biology says affects the way our protein bases are constructed. Protein bases are cool, they basically control how everything else will be expressed; cellular structure, hormones, enzymes, tissues, brain development, the immune system, personality, and even lifestyle. I guess change is simple and also complex.

Our President is enacting change to our political system: national security, flight restrictions, organization cuts, civil rights, health care. The changes are many and I don’t want to talk about whether these changes are good or bad. What I want to talk about is the opportunity being provided by these changes. The manner in which our lives are effected by our governments is changing. Systems and regulations that were once there are being taken away, most without a backup plan. So gaps are being created in roles that were once filled by the government. Without regulations who is going to control or influence the way business is conducted? The answer and opportunity I see is WE ARE. What I saw these past elections was simply that our government tried to get us to care about it, and they were quite successful with all the candidates having people to believe and back their platforms. Most voters had someone to identify with. What a wonderful thing! What happened after wasn’t as wonderful, it became business as usual with all the scandals and pointed fingers. “We the People” lost more and more trust in the political situation. Enter Trump and the two sides become polarized, either he stood for what you believe in or he stood for what you don’t. There isn’t much middle ground.

So, looking past this conflict is key. The opportunity being presented is for the Private Sector; you, me, your neighbor, grandma, uncle, brother, sister, everyone involved in this little drama. Now is the time for us to really begin to invest in what we want! Every year we file our taxes and every year we get a little return on it, but where does that money go that we don’t get back? It gets put into the federal or state budget and spent someplace god knows where. So going back to my main point, let’s start investing in the things we actually want. We can see that the world isn’t waiting for us to change, it’s changing and forcing us to change with it. Why not be a part of that change and really invest in the places we want to; whether it’s at a grocery store, a restaurant, an etsy shop, a bank, an energy company, a car manufacturer. Lets find the places we can ethically get behind and believe in. Is our government really something we believe in and who’s ethics we agree with? What I saw this past elections was that our government only cares about its ethics not its peoples. So let’s take the opportunity our President is providing and really begin to invest in ourselves.

There is a booming entrepreneur spirit in the world again and it is time to take the future out of the hands of those that would make the decisions for us, it is time to grab our future and really make the decisions for ourselves. Vote! Participate! But, don’t leave it up to your local politicians. Vote with our wallet, vote with your lifestyle! People love the to quote Gandhi, “be the change you wish to see,” but what does that really mean? What I think Gandhi meant is that we need to make the changes in ourselves first, stop worrying about what you can’t change and just focus on changing yourself. This is the 21st century, look at what is right in front of you. We have the ability to do so much from the comfort of our phones. We can buy, sell, and trade literally anything in a matter of seconds. We are more connected then ever and we still want to believe that we can’t change anything, that it is all out of our influence. There is a theory of six degrees of separation, it says that we are basically removed by six people from almost anyone else in the world. You might have a friend of a friend of a friend that knows someone in the white house and that person knows President Trump. you are only removed from him by only a few people. The reason I bring this up is because the power we have at our finger tips really isn’t that far removed from the people who seem to have more power than us. Only by investing in our own futures will we begin to see a return that really benefits “we the people.” No matter what political party you belong to I think this is the one thing that unites us, the fact that we all just want what is best for us. Let’s start doing that for ourselves instead of leaving it up to a government organization that really just has its own interests at heart.

There are many factors that have brought us to point we are at. We have many options before us and the one thing we know is that change is inevitable. We see this reflected in the world around us. Our country influences many things on the Earth and the man in charge is really doing his own thing. The system he belongs to doesn’t seem to be concerned with the overall well-being of its citizens anymore. So let us take the time to invest in the private sector because the private sector is just ourselves, nothing more and nothing less. We want the government to look out for us but the private sector can accomplish all that without infringing upon our rights and without choosing a lesser of two evils. We can accomplish changes that really benefit “we the people” by taking action into our own hands and building a future that looks out for the little people, you and me. Maybe by doing this we can pave a way forward for the rest of the world, maybe we as a country can be the change that others want to see in the world. expansion

Feelings, the Language of Love


Feelings are the language of love.

In order for us to begin to comprehend our emotions as an intelligible process we have to become aware of our feelings, no matter what they are. Right now I see everyone’s feelings up in the air. People are fed up, people are scared, people are angry and rightly so. We’ve been fucked, played, deceived, blindsided, just all around taken advantage of. We all want to place these feelings somewhere; from our family, our friends, our schools, our insurance company, our country, our president, some billionaire, some doctor, something outside of ourselves. Our feelings are endless. I have fluctuated on the wave of these feelings my whole life, riding them out and then barely being able to take stock of myself before being hit by another one. Further and further down the rabbit hole I fell. I don’t know if I hit rock bottom, one can never be sure. What I do know is that every hole has an opening and what leads to our downfall can often also be our salvation. I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve started to learn. I’ve learned about my feelings, I continue to do so, and where I find myself now is in a vast ocean. In the spectrum of of all our feelings, observing and thinking. I think that no matter where we find ourselves it is an exciting place; it is a place to learn and grow from, to experience, and to love. This place is the where our feelings lead us to. This is the place of love. Where we learn about our ins and outs, our whys and what fors, our deepest selves. Only by embracing and accepting how we truly feel will we be able to make sense of the world in and around us. Take this time and this opportunity that has been given to you to learn. Only then can we begin to change ourselves and the world around us.

I believe in the best of and for you. We are complex and beautiful creatures who have been given the blessing love. I am in love with all of you.

Under the bridge 

Under the bridge I found my soul

A song sung out beneath hallowed tree

Enter my chest and heart bequeath

Under the bridge a story was told

Hero’s and villains arms in arms

brotherhood bonds all was one

Under a bridge a conscious unfolds

Leaping and bounding star to star

cosmic magic in a glance

Under a bridge the seed was sown

Life given to willful hands

Guide and lead to promise land

Under a bridge there was a man

Dreaming wondering whence he came

fruitful in labor my I was king